05: Nature
Alexandrie was furious. For so many reasons. Some of them confusing and related, somehow, to that odd feeling she was trying to ignore. As Spider appeared behind Lucas, her eyes flicked over the tired young man and her mind flashed back to the moment she realised that La Chanson had responded to not just her intention, but her emotion. Realised that she hadn’t just silenced the young man but could have killed him made her blood run as cold as the chilled water in the glass before her. Again she looked at her hands in fear? Concern? Either way, she consciously unclenched them.
The more she learned about what she could do, the more afraid she became. It had not occurred to her that La Chanson would hurt her allies - ‘though,’ she thought, reaching for the glass, ‘I never expected my allies to do anything so stupid!’ Before she’d even really thought about it, she’d hurled the water in the sleepy man’s face. Not her proudest moment. Not the most mature thing she’d ever done, but she was still angry, and she couldn’t trust La Chanson or her own body at this moment, so she was grateful that was all she’d done.
It was hard to pinpoint exactly why she was so angry. They had been revealed, yes, in a very public place, but she had done that herself earlier that same day. Spider had interfered in the bout, but it really shouldn’t have happened anyway, so the rapid conclusion was good…
But the method was awful. He had managed to insult an entire population of people who clearly liked their fighters…and he had insulted the meritocracy in the Gavyirnoi’s yard.
Now this was difficult, but he’d shown contempt for the Progress Confederacy before. He hated the political structure they lived in. That was obvious. And how could Spider have known Gatberg was actually a bastard? She knew all this, yet the fact remained that his behaviour stung. Did he truly think so little of the world she and Lucas came from? So little that as a drunkard he threw himself wholeheartedly into that contempt? Was that how he thought of her? Anger bubbled up as she saw him beginning to come to his senses, but she pushed it down as Lucas stood and went to the bar. She watched him assessing the various bottles and sighed. Not even a day. A strange lump caught in her sternum. Lucas had been put in the middle of something he shouldn’t have been, today. He didn’t deserve to be spoken to the way Trulmak had, didn’t deserve to have such an angry man attacking him, didn’t deserve to have that victory stolen from him…
Ah. That was part of it. As Alexa watched his eyes travel the length of the bar, she realised a large part of why she was angry. She believed, truly believed, that Lucas could have won that fight. He had been so excited when it all started, and she’d become wrapped up in that. It was infectious, despite her concern. But Spider had been gone for the start of the second bout, so she, Alexa had needed to step into a world of oration she didn’t know when Lucas’ brother would have been a much more natural choice. Then when the fight started, Spider returned and tried to influence it, rather than trusting his brother’s abilities.
Speaking of trusting abilities, she watched Lucas cross to the end of the bar. He’d made his decision and -
“Oh.” She said it under her breath, but she said it aloud, loudly enough to catch Vee’s attention. She didn’t notice, though - she was still watching Lucas, who returned and sat, pouring himself a glass of water. Her eyes remained there for a moment before returning to Spider.
How could he not remember anything of what he’d done? It wasn’t that much alcohol, not really. More - did he remember what she’d done to him? She would have to apologise - she knew that. Her own sense of morality said it was something she needed to address - whether she had been right to do it or not, angry or not, whether he remembered or not.
And then there was La Chanson. She wished, not for the first time, but perhaps most intensely, that she could actually have a conversation with it. Such an intrinsic part of her life, such an important part of who she was and she didn’t understand it. The incident had frightened her. Angry as she’d been at the entire situation, about them being revealed so publicly, about how Spider had handled the situation as it continued to unfold. She hadn’t even realised, with the two large men standing over her, what she was actually doing. She had just…reacted.
A pattern was beginning to form, and it troubled the young half-elf. Every time she simply reacted, she was much more likely to harm than heal. That presented a problem for an emotional teenager. Was this the intended outcome? Did La Chanson want her to reach out and take from others the way she had stolen Spider’s breath?
“You know what happens when you seduce people? They get seduced.”
Spider had said that earlier. Could she pay for the power she’d been given over others? For the first time, she felt a trickle of sweat down her spine as she wondered whether she, herself, wanted to. What did La Chanson want of her? She looked down at her hands again. She could do wondrous things. She could help people and protect her friends, and stop dangerous people from doing awful things. Her grandmère had begun a task years before and she felt so honoured to have been chosen to complete it. But she could also bring such suffering. And that wasn’t just La Chanson’s doing - or at least, she didn’t think so. Her upbringing and her own innate ability had shown on the docks that if she tried, she had the ability to manipulate more than with the notes that came from her fingertips. She could manipulate hearts and minds to get what she wanted, once she figured out what that was.
And she hadn’t been lying when she’d told Vee she couldn’t help it. Yes, she’d honed the skills and techniques she’d learned in court, but the laser focus she directed at individuals, the ability to become what they desired in that moment, to give what would get her what she wanted, or say what would get her where she needed to be…that was just who she was. She’d been able to wrap people around her finger since she was a child. It wasn’t conscious, or deliberate. It simply was. Like breathing, or singing. Must she stop singing because others enjoyed the sound? No, she continued to sing. It pleased her the same way it pleased others. So what was different with La Chanson? Rubbing her thumb and forefingers together, she felt the soft invitation to draw notes - a feeling that was constantly there. It was an extension of her. A potent, dangerous extension. Her natural words and movements couldn’t kill. The notes of the Song? They could.
And so she returned to the beginning of the thought cycle. Should she try to control her emotions and behaviours more? Could she? She poured water, her fingers itching to do something, affect something. She’d started to tap at her knees, a rhythm that threw out tiny sparks. She was still agitated, annoyed that she was thinking so deeply about her own behaviour when Spider had no idea what he’d done and Lucas’ most intense concern seemed to be that Spider had interrupted, rather than how intense the focus had been on his name - a name that would draw attention from more than just admirers. There had been a vast number of people watching tonight, and they would not quickly forget the Edgewater name. Two weeks in the city lay ahead - perhaps she would be forced back into veils after all.
She looked at Vee in time to hear him saying they should get some rest and nodded. He looked so different these days compared to back and home. Not at all like the Praetorian she had grown up with. Out here, in the world, he was more dangerous, more…unforgiving? That wasn’t the right word, but she couldn’t think of a better one. How did he handle his abilities here? Or…how had he suppressed it at home? Did it feel then like she felt now - as though to stop would be less him? Or was that change a part of him too? She would need to ask.
Suddenly the events of the day tugged at Alexa’s shoulders and she sighed, exhausted. She was furious, yes. But so much of that fury came from concern that she couldn’t pry the two apart.
