09: Shakey Ground

Alexa trembled. 

Unable to stay in her room, she sat beneath a tree in the afternoon light, both roses clutched tight in her hands, arms clasped around her knees. Periodically (unnecessarily, perhaps) she checked La Chanson was definitely present, creating the image of exactly what this tree she leaned upon looked like without her there. Curled up, hidden from the world, Alexa trembled. 

‘It wouldn’t help to cry,’ she told herself. Besides, if she cried, she didn’t think she could maintain the barrier. She would suddenly look like a stupid Sinrou teenager crying in the street. So she trembled and listened and trembled. It had been so loud - so so loud. Deafening - then

Nothing.

That they were in a river barely registered. That Spider disappeared beneath the water was a fleeting thought. The girl’s heart pounded, her breath grew shallow, her eyes distant, her jaw slack because of one sensation:

Silence.

Louder than the loudest inferno, more powerful than a waterfall in spring, louder than the Song as it prepared her for what was to come was the silence that followed. A minute became a century as her worst fear came to pass. For a year - more, now - La Chanson had been a constant companion. Not far - never far. And yet, it felt as though the river washed it away, as if it had never existed to anyone except she.

In that moment, Alexandrie had been alone with her thoughts. And that terrified her.

“Alexandrie, you terrify me.”

Her body jerked and she heaved a choked sob. The image of the tree lost, she became visible. Shaking, she took a deep breath and glanced around. Waiting until a somewhat startled passer-by passed by, she re-placed the barrier.

And trembled.

What else could she expect, really? 

Somehow, she (or La Chanson using her as a conduit) had thrown them all into a river. Somewhere Lucas and Spider knew, somewhere significant, and somewhere that had hurt them both. Why did La Chanson keep trying, or want Spider hurt? She hadn’t felt anything before it happened - just excitement at using La Chanson to create - learning her limitations. Perhaps she’d pushed them too far too quickly, but it had been fun, new, valuable.

Laying the roses, family but not twins, across her knees, she covered her face with her hands. 

“I am an idiot,” she whispered. When she’d first heard La Chanson, she hadn’t told anyone but Maman, Grandmère and Chevalier. Maman had dismissed it as not possible - that had been grandmère’s domain and it was over, finished. Gone. Vee et Grandmère, however, had obviously known what was happening. After Maman’s response, she hadn’t told anyone what she heard or what it meant. She was astute enough to know that hearing things other people couldn’t hear and talking broadly about that could easily be misconstrued. So she hadn’t. But then La Chanson had made itself known to Spider and Lucas, and she couldn’t hide it. And then she hadn’t wanted to. And then Lucas had asked. He’d asked…so she’d told him. And now she regretted it.

She’d never told anyone what it felt like to experience La Chanson. Not…not like that. Then again, La Chanson had never placed her inside someone’s memory before…

He was right to be terrified. It didn’t hurt less, though.

Alexandrie trembled.

Was this how La Chanson treated her friends? Were they missing something? What did they need to know? What was the learning from this? Don’t trust people? Don’t tell them…

And yet, La Chanson said she hadn’t done anything wrong.

Had they?

This had been for their benefit, whatever that might mean. Lucas and Spider had been there before. That much was obvious. Why had they gone back? Why had La Chanson done that? Had she been the only one to hear the Song that time? They’d all heard it the last time but this…

No wonder she was terrifying. La Chanson could pull from their memories to put them there, and she - all she cared about was whether she’d displeased it, not whether they were alright.

Why leave Spider covered in mud? Why did La Chanson keep hurting him? Was it even La Chanson? Vee had a theory that it was whatever might be against La Chanson du Monde, but Alexandrie couldn’t even conceive of something that might want to do La Chanson harm. She couldn’t conceive of what the opposite of La Chanson du Monde would be. Was there another teenager out there as confused as she? As in love with the touch of the magic she felt? Would it feel the same? Would they feel as lost as she without it?

Tapping on that power again, Alexa heard the music swell a little, as it did sometimes. The barrier, which had begun to fade, strengthened once more, and she tried for a smile in gratitude. Sometimes she wasn’t sure if she was hearing La Chanson or imagining she was hearing it. In the river, there had been no hearing it, or imagining she could hear it. It was gone.

Just gone.

It kept coming back to that. Grandmère had failed and La Chanson had left her. Not as suddenly, and only when she was safe, but it had left her. And that was Alexandrie Donadieu’s biggest fear.

That she would fail and it would leave.

Or that she would succeed and it would leave.

Alexandrie had space and time for both fears. All the social graces and self-awareness and self-esteem and family pride she exuded couldn’t erase that one fear:

What would she be when La Chanson was finished with her?

Grandmère had picked up her life. She’d met Grandpère and they’d had a life. The Anvil Heart Company had, for the most part, gone their separate ways, but they’d visited and Alexa had loved to sit in the parlour as a child, silently watching them interact and discuss the past. But there had been so many of them, and the way Grandmère and Chevalier discussed them, they’d always been friends.

But Grandmère had never made walls melt, or forced her friends to face frightening memories.

This was new, and of course Lucas was terrified. She would be too.

She just wished he wasn’t.

As she took the roses between neatly manicured fingers, behind a barrier through which no one could see, she sighed and admitted the truth to herself and no one else:

The three she travelled with were the best friends she’d ever had. And one (at least) was afraid of her.

Alexandrie’s lip trembled, but finally she stood, dropping the barrier and immediately beginning to weave another spell from the Song. She needed it close today. As she walked back into the Inn, the outline of a third rose began to glitter in her hand.