1: Not bad

As the wall approached, Alexandrie sank further and further back in her cloak, Scramble and Oat nattering in her ear. Spider had tried to say something encouraging, but it had much further implications than he realised.

For three days, she’d thought of nothing but the stories Grandmère had told her growing up. Some she had asked for hundreds of times, and Grandmère had obliged, pulling Alexa into her lap, or onto the seat beside her for the girl to gasp at, laugh at, tell with her or fall asleep to. She had lived the stories - they were as much a part of her as La Chanson. The games she had played around the lake – pretending the big rock at the forest boundary was a mountain, or that soft dirt turned up while Grandmère tended the garden was snow…

Maman had cautioned against it, and she hadn’t listened. Maman had told her not to put so much focus and trust in the stories – they were stories and she needed to think about her own life – about what was here at home - 

because the world was not so simple as out there… 

Out here -

No, she knew that being here was not what her parents would have wanted, but at least she could feel comforted by the fact that what she was doing was what Grandmère wanted, or needed, or…
But she was finding it hard to reconcile that with the idea that Grandmère hadn't told her – 
Had deliberately never told her
Even once she started hearing La Chanson 

Just how dangerous it was.

Just how heartbreakingly difficult it was to travel.

Even if she couldn't (for some reason) tell Alexa what had been asked of her, Alexandrie couldn't shake the deep, heart splitting sense of betrayal that came from feeling Grandmère hadn’t told her about the realities of all this to save face. That she saw Alexa’s need to be prepared for this journey as less important than correcting her understanding of it.

And Spider mentioning stories just made everything worse – compounded by the fact that she didn't know how much Chevalier had actually known, or how much he could have told her had he been here, or even if it were possible or good or right to bring him back.

He hadn't even known about the functions of his own systems, much less how many times Grandmère had been injured.

Was he too dangerous to bring back? Would it just make things worse? They’d wanted to take Chevalier from Grandmère when he’d first arrived in Shining Capital, and even now Cedric Edgewater hunted them to take Chevalier, despite the fact that he hadn’t been seen in their company since the Oonderverld. If the Ebon elves hid the existence of an airship - an airship made by humans - from Shining Capital, what would happen if they managed to get their hands on a single Praetorian made by La Chanson? Could she live with that? 

Did she want to?

The whole thing hurt to think about, and as they landed outside the city, Cliffspider looming in the distance, Alexa was as lost in thought as in deed. She didn't agree with Spider – she wasn't self-righteous, she was simply more careful to do the right thing. Usually.

Here?

Now?

She didn't know if she was right – or doing the right thing, or even if she could -

How much choice did she actually have? Would La Chanson simply wait for her to have children then take one of those if she refused?What was it waiting for? Did she simply need to do what it asked, regardless of question? Would it make a difference if she did? And would bringing Chevalier back cause more harm than good?

It was the discussion about the mill all over again. Perhaps she was doing the right thing now - but maybe later it would be the wrong thing then she wouldn't know until it happened.
Or maybe she would do the right thing and go home… but Grandmère, ou Maman, ou Papa would say it was the wrong thing. How could she know if she was right or wrong?

Did those words even mean anything any more?

Spider said she could do whatever she wanted here in Cliffspider.

Maybe… Maybe she would just stay. Maybe she could. There was no desire to go home, no desire to go further… And this was where Spider and Lucas had wanted to go, it couldn’t be so bad – this was where Spider thought Lucas was – this was the only place the brothers had expected to accompany her to.

Not that they had been obligated but this had been the destination.

And maybe it could be hers.

If she just stayed still and quiet.

No more lies. No more danger.

Would La Chanson just drift away?

Would that be a bad thing? 

Completely normal, head full of stories.

Just stories. Fiction.

She was getting better at lying, after all.

People believed she was who she said she was.

She could just be Aerith Normaer forever.

Would that be so bad?