4: Of the Same Mind

Alexandrie spent a lot of time - probably too much time - wondering how much La Chanson listened to or watched her. Did it need to be like a robin on her shoulder to guide her in casting? Did it need to be in her deepest thoughts to answer questions? Were there even different levels to thought?

What she didn't understand here where the mechanics of mental communication. What was actually happening when she tried to form thoughts? And as much as a permanent connection wasn't formed, once she had let Mysel into her mind, the likelihood was that it would happen again and again, deliberate or otherwise.

She’d meant what she said. There was already an entity in her mind with her. It spoke so little she often didn't think about it. She was soothed by the Song when she really thought about it. Distracted, often. A lullaby she couldn't escape. Had she heard it her whole life? Had it just been further away still?

Was there something different (wrong?) about her mind that made it an easy target for infiltration? Connection? Except, she mused as they walked back to the inn, whoever else was trying to look at her, or get her attention… Whoever that was, they were struggling.

Unless they weren't trying to see her at all but check if she was alive. Would the spell work if she were dead? Did her hunter know if she resisted it?

None of this mattered, anyway. She couldn't stop it. She couldn't stop it any more than she could stop Spider doing whatever it was Spider planned to do. Despite the fact that Spider seemed to think he was mysterious and unpredictable, she had a strong suspicion of what he intended. Because as much as she wanted to remain naïve of Spider’s intentions and behaviours, he might be nice – nicer to her (sort of) but he could hardly be called a good person. Good people did not torture.

Good people didn't kill either, but Alexandrie didn't think she was good any more, so she could still make this assessment.

Whatever it was that Spider did, she was frustrated it was happening at all.

Why could they not simply disappear? What made this different to any of the other ways they had dealt with people in the past? Why was Mysel afraid of Bruxa? Whatever she could do was nothing compared to Genofeva, and so anything that could call attention to them
Anything that could be picked from the mind by someone like Mysel
Anything that offered a chance of capture before she completed her goal
Was a hindrance.

Wasn't it?

Alexandrie wasn’t sure, still, whether she wanted to get to wherever this decision would be made – and she certainly didn't want to talk to the boys about it.
And so her mind came to rest on what Mysel said.
He could try to find Grandmère. Alexa wouldn’t be able to see her, but she would know they were safe.
If they weren't?
What could she do?
If they were, though – some comfort.
Small comfort.

But comfort.

If she let him read her mind…
Would he hear La Chanson?
The levels…if they existed, what would he see?
Was it possible to have too many people in one mind?
Maybe this was an awful idea - La Chanson was wary of Mysel as it was -perhaps this was why.

But she missed her famille. Surely La Chanson could understand that.

She needed to see, talk to, know of someone who had been exactly where she had, and as far as she knew, only one person fit that criteria.
Regardless of the decision, Grandmère had created a life for herself. More than anything, Alexa wanted to know if Grandmère had known her decision would result in Alexa's journey. 

She wondered how much the woman knew about the decision – she had received visions of armies approaching – if they had come to pass.

If there were stories – other stories – she hadn't thought to tell.
Hadn't been able to tell.

As she gently retrieved a robin from her hair, Alexandrie wondered how much of her own experience was a result of decisions Grandmère had made and put in motion.
How many plans she had already ruined.
What would it mean for Grandmère and Alexandrie to be so different they could make opposing decisions around such an important situation?
And would she be able to look Grandmère in the eye after doing it?